Get your tickets to the most incredible thing that has ever happened in the history of ever.

Save the date - 6pm to 8pm, Friday, July 23rd, 2021 - One Night Only
Unvaccinated people must wear masks the entire time.

Event Schedule

Plan ahead to get to the front of the lines at the most mind-blowing, world-destroying, sanity-crushing events that have ever taken place. Please note that camping out over night to secure your place at the event is not encouraged.

Autograph Signing

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

If you thought your Vlarg memorabilia was worth something now, just wait until you see how much it goes for when it's signed by Vlarg himself! Buy your tickets now to secure your place in line at the autograph signing, where Vlarg will sign your officially licensed Vlarg photos, conveniently available for purchase. (Please note, Vlarg will not be posing for photos at this time. For photos, purchase a separate pass to our Photo Extravaganza event.)

Photo Extravaganza

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

Take your photo with Vlarg (for an nominal fee) and prove to your friends and family once and for all that you are cool. Bask in the sheer majesty that is His presence. If you're pleasant and do not have an offensive odor, he may even look at the camera with you! (Note that making eye contact with Vlarg or touching Vlarg is forbidden without prior written consent. Please be aware that Vlarg may lash out violently and flail his arms without notice.)

VIP Meet & Greet

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

VlargCon Plutonium-Level members will be afforded an exclusive meet & greet with Vlarg! Ask him your most pressing questions, regale him with stories of how you made a statue of mashed potatoes in his honor, or even ask him to tell your fortune. He may acknowledge you, he may ignore you, or he may make a sour face and be apalled at your very existence. Who knows? (Please note that offering Vlarg single-malt peated scotch may increase your chances of a positive outcome.)

Why Torgo Sucks

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

Torgo is the worst person on the planet, and has been a thorn in the side of Vlarg for well over a decade. From his constant childish pranking to his abandonment of his elected positions in Minecraft, we'll be exploring the horrible world of Torgo and listing the myriad reasons why he is a curse upon humanity in general.

Uisge Beatha: The Water of Life

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

Whisky is the best thing to ever happen to liquid, and the Scotch variety in particular. Join Vlarg for a wee dram as he discusses his favorite spirit in lurid detail, from how its made, to the different expressions, and of course how to drink a considerable amount of it.

Tales From Quark's Bar

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

Vlarg got his name from the Ferengi character he played at Star Trek: The Experience from 1997 to 2003. Join him as he regales us with questionable tales from his time as a spacemonkey, painting his face orange, his nails blue, and telling tourists what to do with themselves 5 nights a week.

Things Vlarg Dislikes

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

Vlarg has come to dislike a great many things in his extended time on this planet, and rightfully so, given how awful everything is in general. Join us as we review a colorful variety of things that Vlarg simply does not care for (including but not limited to Torgo).

All About BBQ

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

In his extended time in Texas, Vlarg has come to embrace the joy of Texas BBQ. Brisket, Pork, Chicken, Turkey... Vlarg will smoke it all. We'll be discussing BBQ methods, BBQ sauce, BBQ woods, BBQ purveyors, and everything that bores certain members of GeekShock.

Secret Origins of Vlarg

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

Ever wondered about the curious and fantastical origins of Vlarg? Now is your chance to be enlightened, as Vlarg unravels the mystery of his upbringing, from the time the space pod crash landed in the wilds of Colombia, to the questionable choices of a kid on the mean streets of New Jersey, to a the sordid tales of debauchery in a mispent youth in Las Vegas, Vlarg shall reveal all.

The Fine Art Auction

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

Vlarg is the greatest artist of his generation, the one before, the one after, and a few others. His work centers on an interest in the universality of our biological landscape, combined with the collective sense of the sublime. It psychologically involves the viewer with the creation process, provoking instinctive responses to his precarious assemblages that aims at a void that signifies the non-being of what it represents. And it's all for sale! No refunds.

What Vlarg Thinks

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

Current events is a twisted landscape of confusing and complicated nuance. Everyone has an opinion on anything and everything possible, but most are limited to black or white, up or down, true or false. Fortunately, we have Vlarg to light the path to reason. Two paths diverge in a wood; Go left? Go right? Why not choose mustard instead! Vlarg is wisdom and advanced truth. See what he thinks, and improve your life. All questions answered (for a fee).

Poop Exchange

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

(This panel has been cancelled due to it being stupid and gross.)

The Full Honorific

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

New Event As is common with royalty and those of high birth, Vlarg has an absurdly lengthy true name and is a collector of titles, both official and honorary. As Vlarg has had the pleasure of adding a new official appellation to his regal and ever-growing list of titles, we will celebrate and explore the breadth of Vlarg's full 20(ish)-word honorific, which now includes land and title in Scotland.

Rolling Dice For Profit

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

New Event With vaccination numbers growing and virus numbers shrinking, Vlarg has decided to open up his dungeon master for hire business again. If you want to be a DM for hire in your city, come listen to Vlarg tell you how he made it work for him with minimal upfront investment, both in time and money.

Get Off My Lawn

6pm, Crown and Anchor Pub

New Event Vlarg awoke one morning and found that everything ached and it never got better. That was 20 years ago, and consistently punishing his body with rich foods, extravagant cocktails, and the jet-set life of a nerd-on-the-go has left him in a diminished state, no longer aging like fine wine, but more like old cheese. Join Vlarg as he bemoans his age and yells at feckless children to get off his lawn.

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